Wanna Fix Your Bad Habits?

Why Are Bad Habits Hard to Break Out Of?

First things first:

Why do we have bad habits?

For the most part, bad habits are a coping mechanism. For example, you’re feeling awkward in public, so you scroll endlessly on your phone to look “busy”. Or you doomscroll because you’re bored.

Smoking and stress-eating are great for relieving stress and anxiety.

That’s the problem your mind tries to solve.

All bad habits have positive intents!

Most people will never break out of their bad habits, because they use the wrong techniques. Simply “Cold turkeying” does NOT work! You’ll eliminate them for a few weeks (at best) and then they simply keep coming back.

The truth is this:

There are only 2 ways to deal with bad habits.
(And you’ll learn both in this newsletter)

The Main Problem: Avoiding the Void

The Void is the reason why bad habits are hard to break out of.

Here’s what happens to most people I talk to:

Someone gets a burst of motivation and decides to quit [insert bad habit]. He’ll proceed by cutting that habit out of his life. But the underlying problem is still there. Therefore, the NEED for a coping mechanism still exists.

But… now there’s also a void.

Instead of the previous habit, there is now a hole that his mind wants to fill.

The problem:

Unless you consciously fill the void, your mind will do it for you. And when it does, it will do so with anything that is easy, comforting and fun in the moment. And 9 out of 10 times, it’s the exact same habit. Or it might be 10 times worse!

For example:

One of the most common causes of doomscrolling and overusage of social media isn’t dopamine. The issue is boredom. You might have deleted your social media apps at some point… only to find yourself playing video games instead.

You left behind a void: The 1, 2… 5? hours you spent doomscrolling. Your mind simply tried to fill up the extra time you had (with dumb shit).

You didn’t break the bad habit, you replaced it!

The smoker who smokes to relief stress will generally fall back into it.

Or he’ll pick up frequent snacking, alcohol or even abuse of substances. That’s because he’s still stressed out in certain situations and his mind needs to find something to relieve that problem.

Solution 1: Filling the Void (The Right Way)

The key to understand is this:

When you eliminate something from your day, the void WILL get filled, always!

They key is choosing how to fill it.

For example:

Did you know that chewing gum has the same calming effect that eating and smoking have? Our brains are hardwired to think that “If I’m chewing, I must be safe right now” and that eases tension and anxiety.

When you’re bored, can you encourage yourself to pick up a book? Exercise? Practice a new hobby or skill? Work on something you’re passionate about?

Step 1:

Find something in advance that you can do instead of the habit you want to replace.

Note: Don’t try to do this in the moment. Your habits are faster than your mind. So before you even think of something to do, your mind will have done the undesired habit automagically…

Here’s what to look for:

1. It needs to counter the major reason why you have the bad habit. Figure this out first if you haven’t already. (When in doubt, it’s generally boredom, stress or fear).
   

2. Your new habit should be fairly easy & possible to do. For example: Exercise might work to relieve stress instead of a cigarette. But you can’t go to the gym easily (or at all) when you’re at work.
   

3. The psychological reason needs to be addressed with the new habit. If you’re stuck for ideas, try asking ChatGPT or your AI buddy of choice.
   

4. I think this goes without saying: But the new habit should have positive (long term effects). Otherwise you’ll just replace a bad habit with another one.

Step 2:

Make sure you’re prepared. If it’s smoking, make sure you have a pack of gum in every pocket and place you usually have your cigarettes. If it’s mindlessly watching Netflix, have the book or gym clothing clearly visible. Heck, hide the remote underneath them.

Step 3:

Here’s what will happen:

You’re going to get into the same position as you used to. And your mind is going to default to the old habit. (It’s been reinforced to know a good feeling happens when it does).

This is where you need to intervene!

It’s going to take quite a bit of willpower, but you need to do the new thing you chose. You can tell yourself something like “It’s not that I want [old habit] it’s because of [emotion]. And I will use [new habit] to relieve that emotion!”

Experiment with both making it easy and encouraging yourself.

Step 4:

You’ll unfortunately have to reinforce this method over and over again. It DOES get easier, but remember: You might have to de-program years or even decades of the bad habit.

Don’t expect it to go away overnight.

But, as you reinforce it more and more, it will start becoming the new default.

Bonus Step 5:

Above, I shared that your new desired habit needs to be easy and possible. But you can supercharge this! What if you did the opposite for the habit you want to replace?

For example:

You reach for the cigarettes in your coat….

… but there aren’t any.

Instead, the only thing that you find in that pocket is the package of gum. In this case, your old habit will be impossible to practice, and you have to go for the healtier alternative.

Solution 2: To Destroy the Tree, Take Out the Root

The method above works for replacing bad habits, but there’s a better way!

As you now know, most (if not all) bad habits are coping mechanisms. They’re your brain’s way of dealing with a certain emotion or situation.

Revolutionary idea:

What if there was no need to cope with anything?

Your brain wouldn’t need the bad habit.

So the BEST way to remove bad habits from your life is to eliminate the triggers.

For example:

If you know you’ll often get a snack at McDonalds when you pass it on your way home from work, why not take a different route? You don’t have to resist temptation if it isn’t there.

The trigger is seeing that huge M.

If a certain group or person brings out the worst in you, spend less time with them.

They’re the trigger (harsh as it might sound).

Toxic work environment messing up your personal life? Maybe it’s time for a switch!

Or when you’re constantly checking your phone every time it buzzes (root cause: FOMO), turn off all notifications. You can’t get distracted by them if there aren’t any notifications.

Does this always work?

Alas… it doesn’t. A woe is thee!

This method of elimination will only work when you can identify specific situations. Situations are avoidable, emotions are not. There will always be times when you feel bored, sad, scared, anxious and so on.

In these cases, you’ll need to revert back to method 1 of replacement.

But…

In those cases where you CAN identify specific situations, places or people that directly cause the habit, you’re golden! In those cases, start with the elimination method.

Changing Habits on Steroids

Due to poor planning & a busy schedule there’s no audio lesson today. But… you’ll LOVE this video! You’ll learn how to change your environment to change your habits, almost automatically!

If you use it in addition to the methods above, you’ll soon have a TON of good habits!