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The Cure for Insecurities: 5 Proven Methods to Build Confidence

Imagine what life would be like with more confidence and less nagging doubts and insecurities? How much better would you feel? How much more could you achieve? Today, you'll learn exactly how to build that confidence!

Not Confident Yet? Here’s why:

If you’ve failed to build confidence, it’s probably NOT your fault! Building my own confidence took me about a decade, because there was no blueprint. I had to figure everything out through trial and error.

Perhaps that sounds familiar to you.

Or perhaps, you don’t even know where to begin building confidence.

There are 2 main problems with most content out there:

  • Many “coaches” focus on shallow techniques that don’t work. While in reality, confidence has to be built from deep within yourself.

  • Confidence is like a puzzle: You can’t build it if you’re missing half the pieces. Most videos and content only gives you 1 piece of the puzzle and you have to figure everything out yourself.

Let’s fix that!

Today, I’m sharing 5 practical methods to start building unshakable confidence in yourself! Usually I recommend taking things one step at a time, however, not when it comes to building confidence!

Every method will have a “First Steps” section. My recommendation is to go through the action steps for all 5 and THEN pick one to focus on. These areas of confidence are a situation where 1 + 1 = 3.

Note: Want to dive even deeper? Click here to join my Confidence Masterclass for free!

1. Define Your True Self

The man without clear direction is doomed to feel lost and meaningless.

Yours truly

Brutal truth:

Most people are pretty much robots. Think AI, but much dumber!

What I mean by that is that they rarely ever think about what they TRULY want to get out of life. Instead they just go through the motions. They keep on doing the same things over and over again, just a program that’s stuck on autopilot!

Every day is the same as last…
Every week is the same as last…
Every month is the same as last…
Every year is the same as last…
And then they die.

That’s the exact recipe for a miserable life!

That’s why you are here, aren’t you?

You’re here because you want something different!
You’re here because you want something more!

Give Me More Killing Eve GIF by BBC

- You (most likely)

But, here’s the important question:

What does different and more look like to you?

A compelling vision is the starting point of all success.

Specifically, think about these two things:

  • What is it that you want to accomplish in life? (goals)

  • Who do you want to become in the process? (values)

Ingredient 1: Goals

Let me tell you about my previous depression.

Back in the days, I was being bullied pretty much every day. Life was miserable. I dreaded going to school. I had no confidence, no self esteem, poor social skills, crippling anxiety and a ton of limiting beliefs.

At some point, I even thought about suicide…

You know what kept me going?

A goal.
A dream.
A vision.

Even when everything was going against me, I decided back then and there that I would become more successful than any of my bullies could even dream of being! That vision drove me forward! It kept me sane. It kept me alive!

Here’s why this matters to you:

  1. Dreams and goals that excite you are natural anti-depressants

  2. Life is meaningless by nature, until you GIVE meaning to it

  3. Without goals, you’ll feel like you’re just drifting through life

  4. As a result, you will feeling meaningless as well (destroys confidence)

This is your wake-up call to start dreaming BIG again!

Below, we’ll get into the action steps to get more clarity.

Ingredient 2: Your Core Values

When it comes to building confidence, your values are a superpower!

He Man Power GIF

Here’s why they’re so powerful:

How would you feel if I told you that your blue hair looks absolutely ridiculous?

You’d probably shrug it off, because you most likely don’t have blue hair.

That’s the crucial thing about receiving criticism: It only hurts us when at least a part of us cares and thinks it’s true. That doesn’t just mean consciously. It could be related to deeply rooted insecurities, past trauma or your own self image.

Your core values become a shield against criticism.

Once YOU get crystal clear on who you are, you care less about how others think you are.

Note: If this topic interests you, check out this video.

But, what are core values?

You sometimes hear people say: “Stand up for what you believe in!”

Simply put, defining your core values is about stating was is truly important to you. It’s your compass with which you navigate life. It consists of character traits, priorities, choices, actions and so on.

Some examples:

  • Honesty and integrity

  • Being hardworking and disciplined

  • Kindness and love

  • Being in great shape, psychically and mentally

  • Never giving up

  • Doing what’s right rather than what’s easy

  • Taking responsibility rather than making excuses

  • It must be a win-win or I’m out

And of course, the list could go on and on, depending on what you find valuable.

Here’s where it helps with confidence:

Like I said, your core values act as a shield.

Let’s say that you identified that being in shape is a core value of yours. You can now shrug off criticism from those who don’t share those values. If your 300-pound aunt tells you that your lifestyle sucks, all it takes is 1 glance to laugh it off as ridiculous.

Would you take your 7-times divorced boss’ advice when you want a healthy family life?

Of course not!

If you wouldn’t happily switch places with someone, don’t take their criticism to heart. Don’t follow their advice. Because their best thinking got them in the situation they’re in right now. And you already define that’s not what you want!

Important:

This is area-specific.

In the example above, you wouldn’t take relationship advice from your boss. But if he built an 8-figure company from scratch, you should probably listen to his business advice (if starting one is a goal of yours).

First Steps:

Let’s get clearer on your goals and values.

Firstly:

Forget about “S.M.A.R.T.” goals, they’re the dumbest shit ever!

Instead, get huge goals that excite you!

Small goals are set by small minds and create small lives.

Try this exercise to get started:

Above, you see an image of what we call “The Wheel of Life”.

The first step here is to grade yourself on a scale of 1-10 in each of those areas. Connect the points you’ve made on it and you’ve got your personal Wheel of Life. And chances are that you would never put this wheel on your bike or car…

And that’s okay!

This is simply a measurement of where you’re at in life. A GPS system doesn’t just need your destination. It also needs to know where you are now to guide you. This exercise helps you get clear on which area needs most of your focus.

Step 2:

After you’ve taken this measurement, think about the future you desire. What does a 10/10 look like to you in terms of your health? What about your career? Finances? Family life? Social life?

Write this out in as much detail as possible. Paint that picture of what life could be.

The next step?

This goes beyond this newsletter, but once you know where you’re at and where you want to go, define your starting point. Look for the key area that helps you get the most momentum quickly.

Part 2: Values

Goals are about what you want to achieve, values are about who you become.

This is generally more difficult to figure out.

But these questions will help get you started:

  • Who do I admire most, and why do I admire them? (Note: Try to avoid physical things like having money. Look for who they are as people that got them the physical stuff)

  • If I couldn’t teach my (future) children anything except 3 guiding principles, what would those principles be? Why?

  • You get an assistant who will be with you every waking hour of your day. But you don’t get resumes. The only information you get is their core beliefs and values. What are the qualities you look for in your “applicants”?

Do you see the commonality all 3 questions share?

Besides the obvious, which is them being about core values.

I’ll give you a moment to think…

You might have realized that all three questions are about other people, not yourself. The reason is that we’re stuck in our minds 24/7. Therefore it becomes a blindspot to us. For that reason, its often easier to see these kinds of virtues in other people.

But as you answer them, you can get more clarity on your own values as a result.

Now that you have a list, try ranking them and then narrow down the core values that are truly important to you. If you have too many, it can lose its power. Fewer core values that hone in on your essence are preferable.

Once you have them, the key is to become more congruent with them.

(Method 4 will help you do that)

2. The 24-Hour Test

Imagine that you weren’t yourself, but a random observer.

As an observer, you get to meet yourself. You will see how you walk, talk, carry yourself and so on. For 24 hours, you would be able to observe everything that you do. Every action, thought, habit, choice is yours to see, observe and evaluate as an outsider.

Watching Season 10 GIF by One Chicago

You observing your own behavior and actions.

Would you respect yourself based on that?

Would you say “Damn, I really wish that I could be like this person.”?

If not, that’s the root of your confidence issues.

In the simplest terms, confidence comes down to the degree in which you love and respect yourself. The man who loathes his own behavior, thoughts, habits and actions will have virtually no confidence at all.

Let’s try this 24-Hour thought experiment.

First Step:

Take some time to find a space where you can think freely and write without being interrupted. That’s the requirement for all self-reflection.

Now, for this thought experiment, think about this like a video game.

Certain video games let you do certain action to earn respect points.

To simplify this, think about your self respect as being on a scale of -100 to +100. Based on observing your actions and habits on a regular day, what score would you give yourself?

Don’t overthink it, write down the first thing that comes to mind.

Now, let’s dive deep with some followup questions:

  • What habits, thoughts or actions earn you negative points? Write down the action and assign a point value between 1-10 to it based on the “severity”.

  • Likewise, what are the positives? Write down those actions, thoughts and habits with their respect score out of 10 as well.

  • What things could you do that would earn yourself positive respect points? Write down those daily actions and their point value associated.

  • For the negatives, what can you replace (not eliminate) them with? For example, rather instead of soda or

  • For the positives, what can you do to increase the chances of you doing it? For example, having a book prominently in view in your living room.

  • For the potentials, what would be the easiest way to get started with this? For example, just setting foot in the gym rather than saying you’ll go an hour.

Congratulations, you’ve just written down your gameplan for building confidence!

And you’re probably getting a lot closer to your goals as a result too.

WIN!

3. The Root of All Negative Comments

This one really hit me when I first learned about this. It helped me shrug off negativity and hate and employ empathy instead. This mindset will be a real gamechanger for you if you struggle with dealing with harsh criticism, hate and negativity.

Let me share an example of this:

Some time ago, I made a post on Reddit with a mindset of positivity and the power of the words we use. Most people found it incredibly helpful, but there was 1 person who completely hated it and me as a person.

He went on to write several paragraphs to tell me what a piece of shit I was and gave me the suggestion to go kill myself. I believe his words were something along the lines of “Go put on a blindfold and walk in front of traffic”.

Lovely gentleman, don’t you think?

Here’s what I want you to understand:

Would someone who is genuinely happy in life say things like that?

Absolutely not!

Someone who loves himself and who is enjoying life has no reason whatsoever to go out of his way to make others feel worse! You will only get that kind of negativity from people who are in a dark place mentally.

Their negativity is not a reflection on you but on THEM!

I know it’s more easily said than done, but try to be patient and empathic to them. If someone has to cope with life by making others feel miserable, they deserve your pity.

This shifted me from feeling terrible about myself to feeling sorry for haters.

Try it on and see how it fits you!

First Step:

Think back to some of the comments that have hurt you in the past. Things that might still weigh on your right now. Try applying this filter to it. Realize that it probably wasn’t about you at all but a projection of their fears and insecurities.

For example:

Maybe someone shut down your idea of starting your business harshly. The full context might be that this person failed in business before. Or maybe it’s his own insecurity that says “I could never do it, so he probably can’t either”.

It could very well have been meant with a positive intent.

Here’s my challenge to you:

Forgive The Doctor GIF by Doctor Who

When you look at it through this lens, can you forgive them?

This doesn’t mean that what they did was right, it probably wasn’t. It’s you moving on, realizing that nothing is gained from holding on to a grudge. You’re setting yourself free with forgiveness, not them.

You could do this mentally, write a letter that you’ll never send, or whatever method works for you to put the past experience to rest. It will be like taking weight out of a heavy backpack you carry with you.

This is an exercise in trauma relief.

Next level: Could you get it in your heart of hearts to tell the person you forgive them?

Final boss: Could you forgive yourself for some of your past mistakes or things you’ve said to others. Can you take this different frame to see how you tried your best with the (limited) resources and mindset you had then?

Please note:

The two things above are more “advanced” so to speak. They’re great exercises if you can find it in yourself to do and they’ll do wonders for your confidence. But they might be too much for your current level. If you can do the first, that’s going to be a MAJOR help already!

4. Building a Foundation on Trust

Confidence mostly comes down to trust in yourself.

Let’s take a step back and look at trust with others first.

Imagine that we’re friends. I’m constantly making promises to you, like helping you to move, to help build your new pc or to be somewhere at 2. However, I never keep my promises.

Would you still trust me?

Probably not, right?

What if you constantly heard me talk about all the wondrous things that I will do but never finish? That new diet that I quit after two weeks. The business venture I gave up on after 3 months. The stories of me changing my life, but never pulling through.

You’d probably think I’m full of shit, right?

Here’s the kicker:

How many times have you broken promises to yourself? You said you were going to work out but you didn’t. You gave up on your diet, goal or learning of a new skill. You said you would break that bad habit, but you never did.

Would you continue to trust yourself?

Again, probably not!

You’d lose all trust you had in yourself!

In other words, you’re destroying your confidence with each promise you break! Both promises you make to others, but also those that you make to yourself!

First Step:

So, what can you do to start rebuilding your confidence?

Make your word golden again!

What I mean by this is that you should start making more promises to yourself and others, and following through on them! Whenever you say you will do X, Y or Z, those things happen!

The more you can reinforce this follow-through, the more you’ll trust in yourself!

In other words, more confidence.

My recommendation?

Start small!

If you haven’t built ironclad discipline yet, how realistic is it to suddenly make a 180 degree turn? Not very… it would most likely be a 360 degree change.

Note: No discipline? Watch this to build yours fast!

Starting small could mean you tell yourself to go for a 15 minute walk. Or to drink an extra liter of water today. Or to buy more healthy foods when you go to the grocery store.

Whatever it is for you, start with something simple so that you can keep the promise!

Don’t attempt level 17 when you haven’t completed level 2 yet!

5. Don’t Build Confidence, No Really!

This might sound counter-intuitive, but it really works.

You might have tried building confidence… only to fail miserably.

I know I have…

However, something that I learned from one of my mentors was that he said: “You will build confidence way faster when you work on your goals, rather than work on your confidence.”

This statement puzzled me at the time.

But then he went on:

If you saw yourself making real progress towards your goals, and achieve some of them, how would you feel? Excited? Empowered? Proud? When you can feel pride in your accomplishments and the person you’ve become in the process..

That feeling creates more confidence than any affirmations or body language hacks could!

First Steps:

If you do nothing else with this newsletter, put this 5th principle into practice! It won’t just help you build confidence, but you’ll also start achieving your goals as a byproduct!

This 1 concept brings everything together.

Here’s why:

  1. To do this, you must first set your direction (method 1)

  2. You’ll change your actions to pass the 24-hour test (method 2)

  3. As you take action, you’re keeping your promises (method 4)

Here’s the system I use to stay on track:

Every morning (or evening before) I write down 3 to 5 must-do activities for the day. These are the most important things that actually move the needle for my goals. They’re usually not the easiest, nor the most fun. But they are what ultimately gets results.

Audio Lesson: Finding Your Passion & Purpose

One of the common problems I see that many people these days don’t have a sense of purpose. They’re certainly not doing something that they love doing, that’s for sure. The issue they’re struggling with is the following:

“How the fuck do I even figure out my passion and purpose?!”

I was lucky to find mine when I was quite young, and in this audio lesson I’m sharing with you exactly how I found my purpose as well as a bonus framework you can use too:

Don’t Believe Your Capable of Success?

We’ve covered a lot in this newsletter and I’d completely understand if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all of the information. You might feel like you’d never be able to implement everything we’ve discussed here.

If so, watch this short video:

It will help give ou a much better perspective and outlook on yourself, your goals and your ability to achieve great things in your life!

Everything you do in life will go way better or way worse depending on your level of confidence. Trust me, I’ve been on both sides of the equation.

If you’re not where you want to be in life, I encourage you to try these 5 proven confidence techniques.

Until next time, stay legendary!

Maikel
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